This informal CPD article,’ Talking About Suicide and Self Harm: Care, Clarity and Compassion in Everyday Conversations’, was provided by Storm Skills Training, who deliver a range of evidence-based training in suicide and self-harm prevention, including assessment and safety planning. Their courses support people from all backgrounds, whether experienced mental health professionals or those new to conversations around suicide and self-harm, to build the confidence, knowledge, and skills needed to respond well, safely, and compassionately to someone who is in distress or with a vulnerability to self-harm and suicide.
Content note: This article discusses suicide and self‑harm and may be distressing for some readers. If you are affected by the content, please seek appropriate support.
Talking about suicide and self‑harm isn’t easy, but it is essential. For many of us, these conversations arise unexpectedly in everyday life - at work, in education, in caring roles, or within our communities. The language we use in those moments can help people feel seen, heard, and supported, or it can unintentionally reinforce silence and stigma.
One common fear is that raising the subject might make things worse. The evidence does not support this, but the worry itself is real, and it prevents many important conversations from happening.
Stigma surrounding suicide and mental health remains one of the most significant barriers to prevention, feeding misconceptions, uncertainty, and a reluctance to speak openly. Language plays a powerful role in shaping understanding, reducing stigma, and creating safer spaces for connection and support.
Increasingly, suicide prevention is recognised as a shared responsibility across society, including workplaces. UK guidance and workplace standards emphasise the role of organisational culture, everyday interactions, and early, compassionate responses in supporting mental wellbeing and increasing safety. Within this wider context, how we speak, listen, and respond to one another in daily life becomes an important part of prevention and stigma reduction.
The voices of people with lived experience of suicide and self‑harm are central to this learning. Research and lived‑experience insight consistently show that compassionate, non‑judgemental language can help people feel understood, reduce stigma, and encourage help‑seeking.
This article explores how everyday language influences conversations about suicide and self‑harm, and how small, intentional shifts can support safer and more compassionate communication. It is not about saying everything perfectly, but about being reflective, open to learning, and willing to improve how we offer support.
Supportive, person‑centred language
Many of us grew up hearing, and may still use, language around suicide and self‑harm that does not reflect the complexity of these experiences. This is part of a wider learning journey, not a reason for shame.
Lived‑experience research shows that person‑centred, compassionate language can help create safer spaces for conversation and influence whether people feel able to seek help.
As a starting point, it can be helpful to reflect on language that is:
- Person‑centred rather than defining
- Neutral and non‑judgemental
- Sensitive and respectful
- Clear and direct rather than vague
- Acknowledging complexity rather than oversimplifying
It is equally important to notice language that reinforces stereotypes or prejudice, implies blame or moral failure, or minimises distress.
Moving away from harmful phrases
One commonly used phrase is “committed suicide.” Although still in circulation, the word commit implies crime or wrongdoing. Suicide was decriminalised in the UK in 1961, yet the language can still carry moral judgement and blame.
Beyond its legal implications, “commit” suggests intent, certainty, and decisiveness. In reality, suicide is complex, and ambivalence, the simultaneous wish to live and to die, is common. For these reasons, phrases such as “died by suicide” or “took their own life” are widely recommended as more neutral alternatives.
Language used to describe suicide attempts raises similar concerns. Describing a survived attempt as “unsuccessful” implies failure, which can compound shame and hopelessness in someone who is already struggling. Framing a death as a success risks glorifying suicide, while describing a survived attempt as unsuccessful can compound shame and hopelessness.
More precise, non‑evaluative language such as “fatal suicide attempt,” “non‑fatal suicide attempt,” or “survived a suicide attempt” communicates what happened without judgement.
The term “suicide victim” is also worth reconsidering. While often intended sympathetically, it can imply passivity or romanticisation. “Person who died by suicide” keeps the individual at the centre without those unintended connotations.
Self-harm is frequently misunderstood
Self-harm: taking it seriously
Self-harm is frequently misunderstood, and much of that misunderstanding is embedded in the language used to describe it. The phrase “cry for help” or “attention-seeking” is perhaps the most widespread example. While it may sound sympathetic, it can trivialise a complex coping behaviour and imply manipulation. All expressions of distress deserve compassion and attention.
Describing someone as “a person in emotional distress” or“someone seeking support” acknowledges the seriousness of what they are experiencing without reducing it to a bid for attention.
The term “deliberate self-harm” is also worth reconsidering. The word “deliberate” can feel judgmental and oversimplifies intent.
Person-first language matters here, too. Labels such as “self-harmer” or “cutter” reduce a whole person to one behaviour. “A person who self-harms” or “someone using self-harm to cope” keeps the focus on the individual rather than the act.
Similarly, describing an injury as “superficial” can minimise someone’s distress and invalidate their experience; “an injury requiring medical attention” is a more neutral and respectful description.
Person-first language and suicidal thoughts
When someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, language remains important. Describing someone as “suicidal” can imply a fixed or defining state. Research shows that suicidal thoughts often fluctuate over time.
Referring to someone as “experiencing suicidal thoughts” better reflects that reality and avoids defining a person entirely by their distress.
Asking directly
A persistent myth suggests that asking about suicide directly will make things worse or even put the idea in someone’s head. The evidence does not support this. Asking clearly and calmly, for example, “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” is both safer and more effective than softened or indirect questions.
Phrases such as “you’re not going to do anything silly, are you?” use judgemental and leading language that makes honest disclosure less likely.
Asking directly, with care and openness, communicates that the conversation can be held - that the person’s experience is not too frightening or shameful to talk about.
Responding to outdated or stigmatising language
Even with the best intentions, we may sometimes use language that no longer reflects best practice. Correcting yourself out loud is a simple but powerful act. It models learning and openness, and helps others feel safe to do the same.
When others use language that could be harmful or misleading, curiosity is often more effective than correction. A gentle prompt can open reflection without defensiveness.
For example, you might say: “I used to say that too, then I learned why it can feel uncomfortable for some people.”
Or: “That phrase has fallen out of use - some people prefer ‘died by suicide’ because it avoids the idea of crime or blame.”
Or simply: “Would it be okay if we used ‘person who self-harms’? It helps keep the focus on the person, not the behaviour.”
These small shifts can open up bigger conversations and help build a culture of care rather than criticism.
Suicide prevention is everybody’s business
Suicide prevention is everybody’s business - not because we are all responsible for preventing harm alone, but because everyday interactions shape whether people feel safe enough to speak.
You do not need to be a clinician, expert or crisis responder to make a difference. Being present, using respectful and person‑centred language, and responding without judgement are powerful acts in themselves.
When we approach these conversations with care, clarity and compassion, we contribute to safer spaces, at work, and in everyday life.
Key learning reflections
- Language shapes how safe people feel to speak about distress
- Person‑centred, non‑judgemental language reduces stigma and supports help‑seeking
- Asking directly about suicide does not increase risk
- Everyday language choices can either reinforce shame or support connection
- Correct yourself openly when you notice your own language is outdated or stigmatising - it models the learning process for those around you.
- Respond to others’ use of harmful language with curiosity and openness rather than criticism.
We hope this article was helpful. For more information from Storm Skills Training, please visit their CPD Member Directory page. Alternatively, you can go to the CPD Industry Hubs for more articles, courses and events relevant to your Continuing Professional Development requirements.
References
- Suicide Act 1961 (UK). Available at: https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/Eliz2/9-10/60
- Samaritans. (2023). Media guidelines for reporting suicide. Available at: https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/media-guidelines/
- National Suicide Prevention Alliance. Language and suicide guidance. Available at: https://www.nspa.org.uk
- Dazzi, T., Gribble, R., Wessely, S., & Fear, N.T. (2014). Does asking about suicide and related behaviours induce suicidal ideation? Psychological Medicine, 44(16), 3361–3363. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291714001299
- British Standards Institution (2023). BS 30480: Suicide and the workplace. London: BSI. https://www.bsigroup.com/en-GB/insights-and-media/insights/brochures/bs-30480-suicide-and-the-workplace/
- International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP). Language Guidelines: The Language of Suicide. Available at: https://www.iasp.info/languageguidelines/
